Greetings my lovelies,

Here we are in November, with Thanksgiving just around the corner and Christmas not far behind, and I’ve found myself thinking quite a bit about family, friendships, and the people who come and go throughout our lives. Perhaps it’s the approaching holidays, or perhaps it’s everything I’ve been seeing on social media lately, but I’ve had a lot on my mind.

Today is Election Day, and I’ve been watching people argue about politics, insult one another, and announce that they’re ending friendships or refusing to speak to family members because they don’t agree on political issues. I understand that people have strong beliefs, and I certainly have my own opinions, but I find myself wondering when we became so divided that we can no longer disagree without turning everything into a personal battle. Whatever happened to having a conversation, accepting that someone sees things differently, and moving on to another subject?

Of course, some disagreements involve serious matters, and there are situations where distancing yourself from someone is necessary. I’m certainly not suggesting that anyone should tolerate abuse or mistreatment. But I do wonder how many relationships have ended over arguments that could have been resolved if people had been willing to listen to one another. It seems that we’ve become so quick to dismiss people that we sometimes forget how much history we share with them.

I suppose this bothers me because I know what it’s like to miss having family around. I’ve spent a good portion of my life wishing certain relationships had turned out differently, and as the holidays approach, those feelings tend to become a little more noticeable.

Recently, I was researching the history of my childhood home in Sussex County, New Jersey. My parents purchased the house in January 1980 for $32,500, and I managed to find the original deed and mortgage records. I also discovered that the house went into foreclosure in 1992, something I hadn’t known until I started digging through those documents.

What began as a little curiosity about an old house turned into an unexpected trip down memory lane.

I could picture the rooms, the furniture, the kitchen my father built, and the enormous sliding glass doors in the dining room. And naturally, with Christmas approaching, I started remembering the holidays we spent there.

My father absolutely loved Christmas. He decorated our front yard so elaborately that people would actually stop their cars to admire everything. We always had a real Christmas tree, and my mother would play Christmas records on our enormous wooden stereo console. Elvis Presley, Brenda Lee, and all those wonderful old songs that still remind me of Christmas when I was growing up.

One of my favorite memories is the Christmas I received a Habitrail for a hamster. I was so excited that I started shaking the other presents because I was convinced my hamster had to be hiding in one of those boxes. My father laughed and told me not to shake them because I might hurt the poor thing.

Eventually, I got to pick out my hamster, whom I named Cinnamon Sugar. I still laugh when I think about that Christmas and how determined I was to find that hamster among the presents.

I also remember my grandparents and how much I loved spending time with them. There are days when I would love nothing more than to walk through those houses again, sit with my grandparents, and enjoy an ordinary afternoon together. It’s funny how the moments we once took for granted can become the ones we miss the most.

Of course, not everything about my childhood was wonderful, and I’ve never pretended otherwise. There were painful experiences and complicated family relationships, but those things don’t erase the happy memories. I can remember my father’s beautiful Christmas decorations and the excitement of Christmas morning while also remembering the things that happened later in our lives.

In 1988, when I was eighteen, my parents decided to move to Tennessee. I didn’t want to go. My life was in New Jersey, my grandparents were there, my friends were there, and I wanted to stay.

My parents told me that if I didn’t move with them, I was dead to them.

I don’t think I can adequately explain what it feels like to hear something like that from your parents, especially when you’re only eighteen years old.

What I want people to understand is that I didn’t simply accept it and move on. From 1988 until 1994, I searched for my family. I missed them terribly and wanted them back in my life. I even drove to a house where they were living in Pennsylvania, hoping to see them, only to have my father tell me to get off the property.

Despite that experience, I still wanted my family.

In 1994, my father came back into my life and told me that things had changed. He was leaving my mother for another woman. He never apologized for disowning me, although years later he did apologize for failing to protect me from the abuse I experienced from my mother during childhood.

Since 1994, my father has been in and out of my life. The last time we spoke was in 2024, after Ronnie had an accident. I reached out because I needed my father, someone to talk to who might offer a little comfort or support. Instead, I received a lecture about money, and we haven’t spoken since.

My sister Ginni has also been in and out of my life since 1994. We’ve had our disagreements and difficult experiences, but we’ve also had good times, and I miss those. I miss having a sister, and I miss the moments when we could enjoy each other’s company without everything becoming complicated.

My brother Jonathan died in 1979, my brother Mickey passed away in 2005, and my mother died this past May. My daughters and stepdaughters aren’t part of my life either, and that hurts. There are so many relationships I wish had turned out differently.

Anyone who truly knows me knows that I forgive people, sometimes far too easily. I’ve welcomed people back into my life repeatedly, given second and third chances, and apologized for things even when I didn’t believe I was wrong because I wanted to end the argument and preserve the relationship.

I’ve spent so much of my life trying to keep people in my life, and yet I’ve had family members describe me as mentally ill and unstable. Those words hurt, especially coming from people whose love and acceptance I’ve wanted for so many years.

I’m not perfect, and I’ve never claimed to be. I’m stubborn, opinionated, sarcastic, and occasionally my mouth gets moving before my brain has finished reviewing what I’m about to say. I’m a Leo, after all! But I’ve always wanted family, friendship, and people to share my life with. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, and I certainly don’t expect people to be perfect. Goodness knows I’m not!

Which brings me to something I’ve been saying since 1988.

I don’t need presents. I need presence.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. I absolutely love Christmas presents! I love a beautifully decorated tree with thoughtfully wrapped packages underneath it, and I love finding something special for someone because I know they’ll enjoy it.

I love receiving meaningful gifts, too. There’s something wonderful about opening a present and realizing that somebody remembered something you mentioned months ago or chose something because they knew it would make you smile. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It just needs to mean something.

But more than anything, I want the people. I want family gatherings, conversations, laughter, Christmas dinners, friends dropping by for coffee, and all those ordinary moments that eventually become the memories we treasure. I want people to call because they want to talk, not because they need something. I want people who make plans and follow through, and who genuinely want to be part of my life.

I have Ronnie, my husband, and our animals, and I love the life we’ve shared. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish we had more family and friends here in Tucson.

I would love to have girlfriends nearby to go shopping with, have lunch with, or simply sit around talking about everything and nothing. I’d love to have people over for Thanksgiving and Christmas, a house full of laughter, and a table with a few more people sitting around it.

With that said, my heart is still open to family, friendships, and healthy relationships. I haven’t stopped loving people or wanting meaningful connections, but there is no revolving door anymore. I’m not interested in people walking in and out of my life whenever it’s convenient for them, and I cannot be the only person making an effort.

Relationships require communication, honesty, respect, and consistency. That doesn’t mean keeping score or expecting someone to call every day. We all have lives and responsibilities, and there are days when I don’t even feel like talking to myself!

But I want relationships where people genuinely care about one another and show it. I’m happy to meet someone halfway, but I can’t continue walking the entire distance alone.

And while I’ve been talking about the family I miss, I also want to talk about some very special people who have become my family over the years. These women aren’t simply names on a friends list. They’re my sisters, my best friends, and people who have their own places in my history.

Kimmy, where do I even begin with you? We met in 1989! Thirty-seven years ago! We really did grow up together in so many ways, and when I think about how much life has changed since then, it’s rather remarkable.

We’ve known each other through so many different chapters of our lives, and here we are, all these years later. You’re part of my history, part of my memories, and someone I love dearly. After thirty-seven years, I think we’re pretty much stuck with each other, so you might as well accept it! LOL!

Becky, you came into my life not long after Kimmy, which means you’ve been part of my world for more than three decades, too. That’s a whole lot of years, and I don’t take that lightly.

When I think about the people I’ve known over the years and how many have come and gone, I’m glad you’re one of the women I can still call my sister and my friend. I love you, and I hope we have plenty more years of laughter, conversations, and memories ahead of us.

And then there’s Karen, my KK. This one is a little harder to write because we don’t speak anymore, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise. You came into my life around the same time as Kimmy and Becky, and you were part of those years, too.

I miss you. I really do.

Whatever happened between us doesn’t erase the memories or the fact that you mattered to me then and still matter to me now. I don’t know what the future holds, but I couldn’t write about the people who have been important in my life without mentioning you. You still have a place in my heart, KK.

Vickie, I believe we met around 2007 through blogging, and isn’t it funny how something as simple as writing on the internet can bring people into your life who eventually become so much more than just another name on a screen?

Nearly twenty years later, here we are. You’re my sister, my friend, and someone I’m so glad to have in my life. Considering how opinionated I can be, it’s probably a good thing you can appreciate a little sarcasm and a woman who isn’t afraid to speak her mind! Love you, woman!

Sadie, I believe we met around 2020 through Lane, my adopted son. Life certainly has an interesting way of bringing people together, doesn’t it? One connection leads to another, and before you know it, someone who wasn’t part of your life before becomes someone you call family.

That’s what happened with you. You’re my sister, and I’m glad our paths crossed. I love you, and I hope we have many more opportunities to enjoy our friendship and make memories together.

Leah, you started out as my team lead when I worked at Apple. Who would have thought that a work relationship would eventually turn into a friendship and then a sisterhood?

Somewhere along the way, you became much more than someone I worked with. You became my friend and my sister, and I’m so glad that working together brought you into my life. I love you!

And then there’s Ronnie. My husband. Oh, Ronnie, where do I even begin with you? LOL!

We’ve shared so much of our lives together, from holidays and birthdays to grocery shopping, household responsibilities, wonderful moments, difficult times, and our fair share of disagreements. And let’s not forget our animals! Over the years, we’ve had dogs, ferrets, cats, parakeets, fish, and even a turtle.

Honestly, we’ve practically had our own little zoo! Between feeding everyone, cleaning up after everyone, and dealing with whatever mischief the animals managed to get themselves into, our household has certainly never been boring.

We’re not some picture-perfect couple out of a Hallmark Christmas movie, and thank goodness for that because I’m not sure either one of us could keep up the act! We disagree, we get irritated, and sometimes I’m sure we drive each other absolutely crazy.

But we’re married, and we’re human. We’ve shared so many ordinary days that have become part of our history together, and those days matter just as much as the holidays and special occasions.

I know I talk about missing my family and wishing we had more people around us, but none of that changes the fact that you’re my husband and my family. You’re the man I’ve shared so many years, memories, animals, and everyday moments with, and I love you. Even when you drive me a little crazy! And I’m sure the feeling is occasionally mutual. LOL!

To all of you, I want you to know how much you mean to me. You’re not replacements for the family I’ve lost or the relationships I wish I still had. You’re family in your own right, and I want more memories with you.

More laughter, more conversations, more visits, more ridiculous moments, and more time together. I want us to be able to disagree without destroying our relationships, to be honest with one another, forgive ordinary mistakes, and remember that none of us is perfect. I want the love and effort to go both ways.

And to everyone reading this, especially as we head into Thanksgiving and Christmas, please think about the people in your life. Your parents, children, siblings, grandparents, friends, and the people you’ve chosen to call family.

If you have good relationships with them, appreciate them. Call them, visit them, invite them over, have dinner together, and laugh about something silly. And for heaven’s sake, take the pictures!

If you’ve had an argument with someone, ask yourself whether the disagreement is really worth losing that relationship. Sometimes it may be, especially when someone is genuinely hurting you, and I’m not going to tell anybody otherwise. But sometimes people are simply angry, stubborn, or unwilling to admit they might have misunderstood one another, and before they know it, years have gone by.

As for me, I’ll be enjoying November, looking forward to Thanksgiving, and eventually decorating for Christmas. I’ll listen to my Christmas music, enjoy our traditions, and remember those wonderful holidays in New Jersey.

I’ll remember my father’s Christmas decorations, my mother’s records, my grandparents, my brothers, and the good times I had with Ginni. I’ll think about the people who are no longer part of my life, including those who are still living, and I’ll appreciate the people who are here.

But I won’t pretend there isn’t a part of me that wishes the holiday table were a little bigger, the house a little louder, and a few more people were there to share it all.

Because I’ve been saying the same thing since 1988.

I don’t need presents. I need presence.

And after all these years, I still mean every word.

Much love,

Rae 💜